Why I went to sea to heal

Recovering from burnout through nature, writing, and a small sailboat

New Beginnings

Hello and welcome to my Substack “Soulfaring”. A year ago I walked away from a career in biomedical research to rediscover who I am after an extended fight with burnout and depression. I felt my soul had withered away and I had lost myself. So I rebuilt an old sailboat I had been given for free (read about it here) and set sail around Scotland to spend time in nature and let myself heal. I thought of that journey as a sail to save my soul and this writing project is the continuation of my attempt to heal and rediscover who I am and what I want to do. Over the last year I’ve written a memoir about the journey I’ve been on. About the creeping debilitation of burnout, and lifelong feelings of having to prove myself to the world. In chapter one of my memoir I share the feeling:

A Lost Soul

I step off the bus into a piercing wind, damp and salty, down by the harbour on the shores of the Firth of Forth, north of Edinburgh. As I walk along the dimly lit waterfront, looking out at the faint lights of ships on the water, I think back to my past, of moving from Sweden to the UK in the pursuit of an education, always chasing the next achievement. And then the years of fading ambition and uncertainty, eventually fizzling out into numbness and exhaustion.

I think maybe that I’ve always been adrift one way or another, searching for something that I can’t quite conjure into mind, a shadow of a feeling that something should be different than it is. I guess I thought ambition would eventually lead me to a place of clarity; of finally feeling like I have made it, I am worthy. Now I no longer know. Maybe that feeling will never come. I don’t know what the shape of a life is; I don’t know how to find a way back to myself and to find some contentment in this short existence.

So I’ve quit my job to try and do something else. I can’t bear the thought of going through life following a formula and then eventually getting to the end of it all, only to look back and ask what was it all for?

I need to try and purge this damp November in my soul. It’s time to go to sea.

From “Sailing to Save My Soul” by Alexander Gunnarsson

Writing this memoir has been a transformative experience. In future posts I will share more about what that has been like, but it has made me remember how much I love writing and storytelling. I’ve realised I write to better understand myself and the world, and by sharing my own writing—the ideas that drive and shape it, the joy and difficulties in putting pen to paper—I want to connect with others to better understand my place in this world and to gain a richer experience in exploring it.

What You Will Find here at Soulfaring

This substack is a creative outlet for personal writing exploration. This is where I post glimpses and snippets of ongoing projects (currently my memoir, read the prologue) but also other things including poems, nature essays and short stories that I am working on for my own enjoyment. As I get closer to publishing I also want to share the failures and successes along the way to getting published.

Here is a recent meditative, lyrical essay on rivers:

Occasionally, I also probe my own writing process: explore how I think about and understand structure, prose, rhythm and storytelling as a whole. I am infinitely fascinated by the subtle and constant decisions that shape and mould the stories I write, and also the stories I enjoy reading.

Join the Crew

So if you love nature writing and are as interested as I am in the richness and the soul-healing that comes from being out in nature, please subscribe. I’ll invite you to breathe in the salty sea air, the rich mossy air of an ancient forest, or the sweet peat of a river, and bring you along on adventures in the wild.

I want this to be a sanctuary for everyone who loves nature and the written word. A space where we can collectively explore life, connection, mental health, and purpose through the lens of writing and stories. Where we can all get a sense of belonging as creatures of earth and water.

Please take a moment to read some of my other posts, see the sights, breathe the air, and share your own thoughts in the comments. I love to hear all the different perspectives on life from the people that stop by to read. Drop a hello below, let me know where in the world you are reading this, and where you find your own peace in nature.

Fair winds,

Alexander Gunnarsson

May 2026

Subscribe to receive my weekly newsletter

---